Sometimes a day can change your life...

Today my mind is full, and thankfully, so is my heart.  Our one and only daughter, and first born, is celebrating her 10th birthday.  It doesn't seems possible.  I, like most other mothers, should be thinking back to the moment of her birth, her first little cry, and the exhaustion that follows such a blessed event, but I'm not.  You see, we didn't meet her immediately, for she belonged to someone else.  Our daughter came to us through the miracle of adoption, we found out of her arrival the next morning, some 12 hours after her birth.  I still remember every word of the call from our agencies social worker--she would be a risk, we must head North immediately, preterm baby girl, but beautiful.  Then, the simple question, "Did we want her?" For those unfamiliar with adoption lingo, our daughter was an emergency placement and they are more than risky.  Unfortunately, I didn't have the priveledge of being ignorant, I well knew the challenges.  Did we want her? More than life itself!  Yes, my husband and I quickly knew she would be worth it.  The next few months were a mess...constant sickness, worry, no termination of rights for months, yet, it was amazing.

Today, I'm pondering God's timing.  We are no strangers to feeling lost as we seek God's will.  There were a few years in our marriage that we never thought we'd have children, it was devastating.  Then there was a time, after a failed adoption, we had no direction.  Then came a season where pregnancy was too easy, but carrying to viability didn't work.  We certainly didn't understand.  Yet, each and every time, in every crisis, God has shown himself to us completely.  Many times, I found myself saying, "God, I trust you in this, but I don't like this hand we've been dealt. It HURTS!! The only way I can accept this situation is with your help...and it may take awhile." Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

So today, as we prepare to celebrate a special birthday, I can't help but remember that crooked path we walked on our way to her. Our little risk, our sweet, precious girl, has been an amazing blessing.  Smart, good-hearted, and beautiful in every way!  We may not have heard her first cry, but 12 hours later, when she looked at us with big, blue eyes and whimpered softly, our hearts never knew the difference!  And, I was blessed with that first sticky meconium poop and that counts for something.  Lol!!  God is so good!

Tomorrow...Gotcha Day!

For those who understand grief....

I just need to say this...I'm ANGRY.  If I'm being honest, I've always been a spitfire. The last several years and the general experiences of life have mellowed me greatly, but the fire is still there.  My husband, at one time, would have told anyone I was a handful and almost more than he could handle at times.  Fiercely independent, headstrong, goal-oriented and high strung are all traits of a first born child and I've mastered each one.  Don't get me wrong, I have put much time and effort into appearing even and mild-tempered, but those who know me best, know better. 

After we lost our son, my husband immediately descended into a tidal wave of grief.  Most days he seemed like a foreigner to me.  Not only did I long for my son in my arms, but I longed for my happy -go-lucky husband to come back to me.  There were many dark days where I questioned if our lives would ever remotely resemble our pre-March 17th lives. As for me, I just couldn't seem to feel anything.  They say the first stage of grief is denial, but I felt NOTHING.  The reality of my situation was very real; I could not deny my son was never coming back...I could not cry...I couldn't even question GOD.  Logically, my mind knew truth, I mean I knew GOD had a more perfect plan that I could comprehend.  I KNEW my salvation was real and that meant I would once again be with our child...I KNEW how blessed I was to have carried him, but my body wasn't having it.  The numbness was all-consuming.  Numbness greeting me in the morning and lulled me to sleep at night.  When I'm at my very darkest point, I am blessed to have a person who speaks truth to me no matter what.  This person has loved and nurtured me from a very young age and did the same for my husband.  She is a neighbor and importantly, a friend.  Finally, I went to her..that alone felt like defeat to me.  She listened as I poured out my most desperate thoughts and fears and she said the most profound thing. "You are exactly where you need to be right now.  In six months, you will suddenly be hit with reality and you will grieve in your own way.  You are a mother and a wife and because of this, you've taken care of your grieving family, your turn will come later."

Fast forward to 9/16...my husband and I were on a much needed vacation/business trip and sure enough, I fell apart. There's something hideously wonderful about falling apart 5 hours from those you love.  The man who has comforted me for the last 18 years, was all I had.  God orchestrated this no doubt.  My husband NEEDED me to need him and I needed it too.  He wiped my tears, held me, and basically, let me fall so he could catch me.  When the mess and busyness of daily life was taken from me on vacation, I had no choice but to deal with my feelings.  This vacation was a mess by all accounts, but probably the best and most renewing time we've had together in years. As I began to deal with things, I began to realize how angry I am. 

It seems there are so many reasons to be angry.  I'm quite aware that life stinks for all of us in varying degrees on a daily basis.  This is not lost to me, but loss of control makes me angry.  I've always operated under the idea that if a person works their tale off, does the right things and pushes forward with faith, good things take place.  Well, my little life notion  was blown to heck when I was told I would be delivering a child that couldn't survive.  It makes me angry that my perfectly formed, normal in every way son died because my body couldn't hold him in.  It angers me that years and years were wasted by incompetent drs who couldn't diagnose my condition. It angers me that we are judged by our decision to see a "redneck OB" locally.  Oddly enough, I've made dozens of trips to specialists, Vanderbilt, Louisville, UK, etc., and a little small practice Dr. diagnosed my condition immediately and accurately.  Hmmm.  It angers me that I put more faith in Drs. than I did in GOD. It angers me that I have to pause EVERYTIME I'm ask how many children I have.  It angers me that I had to make important health decisions that I was not mentally able to make. It angers me that children at the gestation of my son are aborted every day. It angers me that life isn't honored as it should be. It angers me that my daughter didn't have her simple, honest prayers answered...praying for a sibling. I'm JUST angry. Maybe worst of all is knowing that the old angry me that I've worked so hard to change, really never left to begin with.

Of course, once again, I have to rely on logic.  Knowing that anger is an important step of the grieving process, I know this is only a phase.  So, this snappy, bite-your-head-off, no-time-for- ignorance way I've been feeling will surely be short-lived.  It's often said that grief changes people, but I think grief changes people over and over again. So, my name is Liz Whitlock and these days, hateful is the new me.

Lord, help us all..

That Day...

Today, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I am posting in memory of my mother-in-law, Sue. Cancer is such a bully, we pray for a cure.

That day...that day was horrible. It's never fun to watch someone you love go through trials, but that day and the diagnosis that came with it, proved many a trial would come.  The diagnosis, to be exact, was inflammatory breast cancer along with ductal carcinoma.  The patient was my soon-to-be mother in law.  The physical change in her took place in a matter of hours.  She woke up with redness and pain in one breast and saw her physician that same day.  Immediately, a round of antibiotics were prescribed, but before she left the office, appts had been set up for ultrasounds and biopsy.  The Dr, knew, she knew, and we knew as well.  a few short days later, testing confirmed everyone's fears...invasive, aggressive breast cancer.  The statistics at that time were horrible...3% of those diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer survived past 5 years.  In 1999, we had internet for research, but little could be found about this type of cancer and what we found was dismal.  I remember researching with Travis with tears streaming down his face...I remember the feeling of defeat I had as I watched him digest the news.  I remember his momma's brave face as she comforted her husband and only living son...telling them she was going to be fine.  I remember watching her leave her job with the realization that she would never go back.  I remember walking into her treatment facility so weak she couldn't walk, but forcing a smile and being determined to show God's love.  I remember her insisting on family dinners at her house even though the smell of food made her vomit.  I remember rubbing lotion on her bald head because it was chapped and bleeding from radiation.  So many memories, this disease takes so much from those it touches--physically, emotionally, and for some spiritually. 

The fighting of her disease was valiant, so many times I saw her as a warrior.  It was because of her that we learned the true definition of putting on the full armor of GOD! She endured so many surgeries I couldn't begin to list them all...double mastectomies, port placements, a back fusion when cancer had eroded her spine and paralysis was immanent, etc.  Numerous rounds of radiation and chemo...and horrible side effects were just a part of her life.  Yet, her light shone so brightly.  At the end of her life, when the cancer had obliterated her liver, she was very jaundiced.  She looked at her Dr., who was not a believer, and said, "My light is shining right through my skin now." He actually looked down speechless and said, "You have NO idea." As I think of this wonderful soul, I can't help but miss her deeply in my spirit.  Yet, I am beyond thankful for the things she taught me in those 5 years. Thank you, Sue, for who you were, for the son you raised that blesses me daily, and for taking care of our children in Heaven. You live on in a big way everyday.  Cancer didn't beat you, you just got your prize a little quicker than the rest of us.

Phillipians 1:3, I thank my God on every remembrance of you...

Not a Fan...

of breakfast.  They tell me it's the most important meal of the day, fuel for the body, etc., but for me it's something I force.  In the last year, I have definitely learned the power of eating "enough".  In the past, my metabolism has suffered greatly due to my not eating enough calories...our bodies need fuel or will go in to emergency mode and start storing EVERYTHING we consume.  Slowish, sluggish, fattish bodies will ensue, lots of ish's we don't want.  I don't know about y'all, but an ideal breakfast to me MUST include fatty, salty pork (bacon and sausage, yum), eggs with velveeta, biscuits and gravy...all things unhealthy.  After starting the Daniel Plan, I noticed that lunch and supper were a breeze to prepare in a healthful way, but breakfast, well...not so much.  I'm going to share a few things that I like for breakfast.


Turkey sausage patties

1 lb ground turkey
1 tsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
2 tsp ground sage
1/8-1/4 tsp cayenne

For me, turkey sausage is very soft and sticky, so I have better luck mixing this in a food processor. Mixing by hand is fine, just realize seasoning is harder to distribute evenly. Place all ingredients in food processor and process lightly.  You should get about 8-3" patties out of this. Heat a bit of olive oil in skillet before frying.  You will need this as the sausage has little fat.  Fry over med-med high heat until both sides are well browned.  This is a huge improvement over pre-packaged turkey sausage.

I love to take 1-2 patties, a poached egg and a couple tbsps. of pico de gayo and layer them on my plate for a quick breakfast.  This is also good with veggie refried beans, a chopped sausage patty and pico de gayo wrapped in a corn tortilla.

These days I do lots of oatmeal.  It's filling, relatively cheap (as far as gluten-free foods go) and easy. I've recently discovered Chex oatmeal packets.  They are delish, gluten-free and have only 8 grams or so of sugar per serving.  I keep these around for those super rushed mornings at home and work. If I have time in the evenings, I like to make overnight oats in the crock-pot.  My biggest suggestion on this is to keep steel-cut oats on hand.  Rolled oats turn to mush in the crockpot, yuck!

Pumpkin Overnight Oats

1 1/4 cups steel-cut oats
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 apple, diced with skin, I like Pink Lady or Honeycrisp
4 1/4 cups unsweetened almond milk
pinch of salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg

Add all ingredients, give it a good stir and cook on low overnight.  I like to sometimes add raisins and almonds to my bowl of oats.  This recipe does not include sweetener.  Personally, I add either honey or Stevia to my bowl, but maple syrup would be good too.

Apple-Cinnamon Overnight Oats

2 apples, sliced
1 tsp cinnamon
2 c oatmeal, I actually like rolled oats on this one
2 c almond milk
2 c water

Mix together and cook for 8 hours on low. Again, I really like to add stevia to mine for sweetness.  Also, pecans would be a yummy addition, totally optional though.

I have a ton of overnight oat recipes, let me know if y'all would like more.  Have a blessed week!

It's me, it's me....it's Ernest T!

I am here to SERVE, I am here to INSPIRE, I am here to LOVE, I am here to live MY TRUTH ~Deepak Chopra

Since starting this blog, and after reading my dear cousin's fabulous post (check her out, she has a lovely blog!), I realize I haven't even introduced myself.  Many of you know me, and all readers know that I am a believer in The Daniel Plan, but I thought it was time I share a bit more.  Ten things, to be exact. Since becoming a busy mother and wife, I spend little to no time thinking about who I am, but really, it's important.  Right, ladies? so, here goes...

1. I'm totally type-a, first-born in every way.  Because of this, I battle being a stressed perfectionist at times.  It's only because of my relationship with Christ and relying on his promises and believing in his love that I am experiencing freedom! Thank you, GOD!

 

2. God is my number one love! A year ago, I heard someone post this question, "Do you love Christ or are you IN LOVE with him?"  It struck me as the oddest, most ridiculous question, but through the past year of major change, I can say I am in love :)

 

3. I am a wife and a mother. Married for 15 1/2 years to my best friend (for real) and mother to one son, age 9 (failed adoption), one daughter, age 9 (miracle adoption) and one son who is in Heaven. Who knows what GOD has planned for our future...we look to the future with excitement.

 

4. Part-time librarian, dream job.  When I was a child, I dreamed of becoming a librarian, and have been blessed to be given the opportunity.  My daughter swears I am the perfect librarian as I am mild, well-read and slightly boring.  Lol.

 

5. My family is in a season of change.  Good and bad, frustrating, exciting, scary...all the feelings. In the last month I've given birth to a still-born, my husband has accepted a ministry position and I've had to make big career and financial decisions. After burying a child, decision that once would have worried me to the point of illness don't seem quite as life shattering.

 

6. This girl is a serious foodie...perhaps a food snob. If time allows, spending the day in the kitchen due to a tedious recipe is my idea of a perfect day.  Cooking has always been a hobby, hence the need for the Daniel Plan. Still love to cook, just making adjustments as I go.

 

7. My last meal would include Crab alfredo, The Pioneer Woman's Cheesy Olive Bread, a Caesar salad, cherry limeade, and oreo cheesecake. I am now officially drooling :)

 

8. Music. Music could easily be my life.  I'm the girl who has a shameful amount of music on her phone, has surround sound in every room, always has a song on her lips.  I hum in the car, play the piano at odd times and ya have to love it or leave it.  Piano, flute, piccolo, and ukulele are my fav instruments to play.

 

9. I really hate technology.  We embrace it when we have to, and are skilled, but UGH I so hate the way it rules our lives via addiction.  My family deserves so much more of me than seeing my with my face plastered to my phone. 

 

10. Gardening is awesome.  Love, love, love my little garden.  It is peaceful--even when overtaken with weeds. IF it will ever stop raining, I will start putting seeds in the ground.  Not holding my breath.

 

So, there ya go, I few things about me.  Please leave a comment and introduce yourself to me!

Simple Sides

First things first, go to Kroger or Whole Foods as quickly as possible and buy Tamari.  The stuff is awesome, especially if you crave salty, savory things.  What is Tamari?  It's gluten-free soy sauce and completely kosher on The Daniel Plan.  It can be used for so many different things...I've made a dipping sauce with Tamari, red pepper flakes and stevia...it's great for tossing veggies in before roasting in the oven, and perfect for a stir-fry sauce (will post a recipe soon!). Tamari and balsamic vinegar are used almost daily in my kitchen now.  The only true downfall is price, it is more expensive than regular soy sauce AND in my neck of the woods (redneck all the way), we don't have any low-sodium versions available.  Truly, I have no idea if low-sodium is even available, but we would love the option.  This is the Tamari that I use...thankfully, Kroger is much cheaper than Amazon.  I'm going to include a few recipes that we enjoy!


Roasted Asparagus

1 lb of Asparagus, trimmed
1/2 lb baby bella mushrooms, sliced
1 TBSP parmesan
Pepper to taste
1 TBSP of tamari (a little goes a long way, and remember this is salty, so go VERY, VERY easy of adding salt)
2 TBSP olive oil

Toss asparagus and mushrooms with tamari, olive oil, and pepper, throw on a sheet pan and sprinkle with parm.  Roast in a 375 degree oven until parm starts to brown. Baby carrots can be used instead of asparagus.


Roasted Broccoli

1 lb fresh broccoli florets
Salt and pepper
red pepper flakes
1 TBSP olive oil
1 TBSP tamari

Make sure broccoli is evenly coated with all ingredients and place evenly on a sheet pan.  Roast at 375 until broccoli barely starts to brown.  This is really individual, we like the flavor of the caramelization, but remove whenever you choose.

Stovetop Asian Green Beans

1 lb haricot verts
1 shallot, finely chopped
2 cloves of garlic, ,minced or pressed
small amount of olive oil to cover pan
1/4 cup water
1 TBSP tamari
stevia to taste (completely optional)

Add oil to pan, add green beans, shallots and garlic.  Cook over med heat until the garlic releases it's oils (when you start to smell the garlic), add water, tamari and stevia ( if you prefer a bit of sweetness).  Cover pan and allow the beans to cook until crisp tender...only takes a couple of minutes.  While cooking, make a slurry with cornstarch and water.  When beans are cooked, add a bit of slurry mixture to thicken sauce.  I often make this same recipe with whole baby bella mushrooms.  it's delish.  Chopped water chestnuts can be added for texture.

Chicken Georgia-Daniel Plan style

It's been awhile since I've posted a recipe, so I thought I would share one of our favs.  It's actually a Paula Deen recipe and can be found in her Savannah Country Cookbook.  This is my fav cookbook of hers, by the way.  This recipe isn't terribly unhealthy to begin with, but with a few changes, can be made very healthy.  This recipe is made in one skillet and is versatile as many sides pair well with it. 

Chicken Georgia

2 TBSP olive oil (4TBSP butter originally)
4 skinless boneless chicken breasts, pounded to ensure even thickness
1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms, more if desired
2 TBSP chopped shallots or onions
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 pepper
4 cloves garlic smashed (I add this)
small amount of parmesan to top chicken

Heat oil over medium heat.  Add mushrooms, shallots, and garlic and sprinkle with salt and pepper.  Add chicken to skillet and cover.  I lower temp to med-low and cook approx. 15 minutes per side.  Transfer chicken to a plate and top with mushroom mixture and cheese.  Let stand until cheese melts.

Side suggestions:
oven roasted asparagus
steamed broccoli
refried beans
roasted red potatoes (red potatoes are recommended on The DP as they have less starch content).

There you go, y'all.  Easy, quick and delicious.  Hope y'all try this soon.  Simple enough to fix for the family and good enough to share with company.